Svindlere!

Jeg bliver så træt af svindlere og bedragere, som snylter på os, der prøver at arbejde ærligt og skabe noget gennem hårdt arbejde. Det er ofte de venlige og tillidsfulde mennesker, det går ud over – dem, der slet ikke kan forestille sig, at nogen bevidst vil bedrage andre.

Jeg plejer helst at skrive om positive ting, men nogle gange løber bægeret også over for mig. Med AI og andre smarte værktøjer – som faktisk kan bruges til rigtig mange gode ting – har svindlere i dag endnu flere muligheder for at narre mennesker og tømme dem for både penge og tillid.

Jeg har lige “leget” lidt med en af dem, for jeg kunne simpelthen ikke lade være. Jeg prøver altid at få dem til at forstå, hvor idiotisk og ynkeligt det, de laver, egentlig er… selvom jeg godt ved, at det ofte er som at tale til en mur. Men nogle gange har man bare brug for tilfredsstillelsen ved at give dem fingeren, før man går videre.

Denne person havde stjålet både billeder og videoer fra en uskyldig person og endda lavet en falsk Facebookprofil. Personen kontaktede mig og skrev, at de gerne ville give mig en hest, fordi de havde læst, at jeg var god med heste, og at hesten ville få det godt hos mig. Transport var angiveligt “ikke noget problem”, fordi personen “boede i Rumænien”. De havde vel set, at jeg bor i Ungarn, og tænkt, at det lød troværdigt.

Jeg spillede med og sagde, at jeg var interesseret, for hesten på billederne var virkelig flot. Men videoen var tydeligvis fra USA, og man kunne let høre, at personerne ikke var rumænere.

Så kom vi til transporten. Personen fortalte, at et transportfirma ville stå for det hele, og jeg spurgte efter firmaets navn. Jeg har selv købt heste og brugt hestetransportfirmaer her i Europa i mange år, så jeg kender de fleste seriøse firmaer.

Navnet sagde mig ingenting, så jeg søgte på det online. Jo, firmaet fandtes – men de transporterede pakker, ikke heste.

Der kunne jeg ikke lade være længere. Jeg spurgte, om hesten så skulle sendes som en pakke.

Enten forstod svindleren ikke ironien, eller også lod personen bare som ingenting, for svaret var blot, at det var et “godt firma”.

Til sidst blev jeg træt af legen og skrev direkte, at jeg godt vidste, hvordan svindlen fungerede: Først skulle jeg betale “transportomkostninger” til et falsk firma, og derefter ville jeg aldrig se nogen hest. Jeg skrev også, at han måtte finde nogen lige så dum som ham selv at snyde, for hestefolk hopper ikke på sådan noget.

Efter at have givet ham fingeren et par gange mere afsluttede jeg samtalen.

Bagefter følte jeg mest, at jeg havde spildt min tid. De mennesker lærer aldrig noget. De går bare videre til det næste offer – og desværre lykkes det nogle gange for dem. Det er netop derfor, de fortsætter.

Jeg har også oplevet, at nogle mennesker er blevet nervøse for at klikke på links, når jeg sender gratis e-bøger eller kurser ud, og det forstår jeg virkelig godt. Man er nødt til at være forsigtig i dag. Når svindlerne fejler med én metode, finder de hurtigt på en ny.

Så tænk jer ekstra godt om, hvis nogen pludselig vil have jer til at “adoptere” en hest.

Scammers!

I get so tired of scammers and fraudsters living off those of us who work honestly and try to build something through hard work. The people who suffer are often the kind-hearted ones — the people who cannot even imagine that someone would deliberately try to deceive others.

I usually prefer writing about positive things, but sometimes even I reach my limit. With AI and other clever tools — which can actually be used for many good things — scammers today have even more ways to trick people and drain them of both money and trust.

I recently decided to “play along” with one of them because, honestly, I just couldn’t resist. I always try to make them realize how ridiculous and pathetic their behavior really is… although I know it’s usually like talking to a brick wall. Still, sometimes you just want the satisfaction of giving them the finger before walking away.

This particular person had stolen both photos and videos from an innocent person and even created a fake Facebook profile. They contacted me saying they wanted to give me a horse because they had read that I was good with horses and believed the horse would have a wonderful home with me. Transportation, apparently, was “no problem” because they “lived in Romania.” I suppose they had seen that I live in Hungary and thought it sounded believable.

I played along and said I was interested because the horse in the photos was beautiful. But the video was clearly from the USA, and you could easily hear that the people speaking were definitely not Romanian.

Then we got to the transportation part. The person explained that a transport company would handle everything, and I asked for the name of the company. Since I’ve bought horses and used horse transport companies here in Europe for years, I know most of the serious companies.

The name meant nothing to me, so I searched for it online. Sure enough, a company with that name existed — but they delivered packages, not horses.

At that point I couldn’t help myself anymore. I asked if the horse was supposed to be shipped in a package.

Either the scammer completely missed the irony or simply ignored it, because they kept insisting it was a “good company.”

Eventually I got tired of the game and told them directly that I knew exactly how the scam worked: first I would pay “transport fees” to a fake company, and then I would never see any horse. I also told him to go scam someone as stupid as himself because equestrian people are not that easy to fool.

After giving him the finger a few more times, I ended the conversation.

Honestly, afterward I mostly felt that I had wasted my time. These people never learn. They simply move on to the next victim — and sadly, sometimes they succeed. That’s exactly why they keep doing it.

I’ve even noticed that some people are afraid to click on links when I send out free e-books or courses, and I completely understand why. You really do have to be careful today. When scammers fail with one trick, they quickly come up with another.

So please — think twice if someone suddenly wants you to “adopt” a horse.

The picture is only for attention.

Do you send your horse away for backing when the time comes?

When I was younger – and that’s many years ago now – you were often told never to back your own horse. That was something only an expert should do. I’m not sure if it’s as common today, but I do know it still happens. I’ve worked with several clients who felt unsure about backing their own young horses.

Personally, I never really listened to that advice. For me, it was obvious that no one else would ride my horse for the first time – I wanted to do that myself. I also thought a bit further ahead: the horse is going to come back home anyway, and then the owner still has to take responsibility for the riding.

Think about it from the horse’s perspective. It leaves its safe environment, its herd, and everything familiar. It’s taken to a completely new place with new food, new people, and new routines. In a short period of time – often just three months, sometimes even less – it’s expected to learn all the basics. Then it returns home and is expected to behave like a “finished” riding horse in all gaits, without any issues or unwanted behaviors.

More than once, I’ve heard horse owners say they were disappointed when their horse came back. The horse didn’t meet their expectations, and sometimes it had even lost weight or developed other issues. It’s important to say that this isn’t always the trainer’s fault – the horse may have been stressed, tense, or unwilling to eat. But from the owner’s perspective, it can feel like a waste of money, and unfortunately the trainer may get a bad reputation.

So how skilled do you really need to be to back your own young horse?

In my opinion, it’s not about competition experience or perfect technique. What matters most is balance, patience, and awareness. I backed many horses when I was younger, and I wasn’t a top rider by competitive standards. When you let go of the idea that everything has to be done in a very specific “correct” way, you often get much further than you think.

This might be a bit controversial, but I believe trainers should support horse owners where they are, rather than taking the horse away and doing the job for them.

Many people who hesitate to back their own horse are driven by fear. Fear of failing, of making mistakes, or of “ruining” the horse. They’ve heard it so many times: if something goes wrong, you could end up with an unusable horse.

But in my experience, a lot of this comes down to mindset. If you can listen to your horse, read its signals, and feel when something is about to happen, you’ve already come a long way.

And if you’ve had your horse since it was young – taught it to wear a halter, pick up its feet, be led, and all the basic handling – then why hand it over just when it’s time to sit on it?

I can understand it if you’re a breeder with many horses and limited time. But if you have your one horse, a horse you’ve built a relationship with, then you absolutely have the ability to do it yourself.

The money you would spend sending your horse away could instead be invested in a good coach or trainer to guide you through the process. That way, you keep the connection with your horse – and avoid the uncertainty of what you’ll get back.

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Jeg så for nylig et opslag, hvor man havde lavet en undersøgelse om dette: bliver ungheste, der går i løsdrift, sværere at håndtere?

Det satte nogle tanker i gang hos mig.

For det første – hvordan laver man overhovedet sådan en undersøgelse?
Hvad er det egentlig, man måler?

Hvis jeg fik det spørgsmål, ville jeg starte med at stille nogle modspørgsmål:

• Hvilken race taler vi om?
• Hvor mange heste går sammen?
• Hvordan bliver de fodret?
• Har de daglig kontakt med mennesker?

For det er netop de ting, der gør forskellen – ikke kun om hesten går i boks eller i løsdrift.

Hvad sammenligner man egentlig med?

For at kunne sige, at noget er “sværere”, skal vi have noget at sammenligne med.

Er det heste, der står på stald 24/7?
Eller heste, der kommer ud 2 timer om dagen? 8 timer?

Der er en kæmpe forskel.

At sige “løsdrift vs. opstaldning” er alt for forenklet. Virkeligheden er langt mere nuanceret.

Misforståelsen omkring løsdrift

Jeg oplever ofte, at løsdrift bliver misforstået.

At have heste i løsdrift betyder ikke, at man slipper dem løs i flere år uden kontakt og først fanger dem ind, når de skal sælges.

Det er ikke løsdrift – det er manglende håndtering.

En velfungerende løsdrift indebærer:

• Daglig kontakt med mennesker
• Heste, der bliver klappet og nusset
• Naturlig bevægelse og socialt liv i flokken
• Tryghed – både i omgivelserne og i relationen til mennesker

I sådan et setup har jeg svært ved at se, hvorfor heste skulle blive sværere at håndtere.

Fordelene vi ofte glemmer

Det, der ofte bliver glemt, er fordelene:

• Stærkere og sundere kroppe
• Bedre led
• Social opdragelse fra andre heste
• Mere naturlig adfærd

Heste lærer utrolig meget af hinanden – noget vi mennesker aldrig helt kan erstatte.

Hvad er det så, der gør forskellen?

Min erfaring er meget klar:

Det handler ikke om løsdrift eller boks.
Det handler om individet – og mennesket bag hesten.

En unghest bliver ikke svær at håndtere, fordi den går ude.
Den bliver svær, hvis den mangler kontakt, vejledning og tryghed.

Jeg har arbejdet med heste fra begge systemer – og set både nemme og udfordrende individer i dem begge.

Glem ikke det grundlæggende

At en hest går i løsdrift betyder ikke, at man ikke kan:

• Træne med grime
• Håndtere og lede den dagligt
• Opbygge en tryg relation

Faktisk kan flokken være en hjælp. Hesten ser, at de andre ikke er bange, og det skaber tryghed i mødet med mennesker.

En vigtig påmindelse

Et føl kan blive bange i en boks.
Et føl kan blive bange ude på marken.

Det afgørende er ikke stedet – men hvordan vi introducerer verden for dem.

Med den rette kontakt, nysgerrighed og positive oplevelser får vi trygge og håndterbare heste – uanset hvordan de bliver holdt.

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I recently came across a discussion where someone had done a study on this topic: do young horses raised in herd living (loose housing) become harder to handle?

It really made me think.

First of all – how do you even measure something like that?
What is it that you are actually evaluating?

If someone asked me this question, my first response would be to ask a few questions back:

• What breed are we talking about?
• How many horses are in the herd?
• How are they being fed?
• Do they have daily contact with humans?

Because these factors matter far more than simply whether the horse is kept in a stable or in a herd.

What Are We Really Comparing?

To say something is “more difficult,” we need something to compare it to.

Are we comparing with horses kept in stalls 24/7?
Or horses turned out for 2 hours a day? 8 hours?

There’s a huge difference.

Simply saying “herd living vs stabling” is far too simplistic. Reality is much more nuanced than that.

The Misunderstanding About Herd Living

I often feel that herd living is misunderstood.

Keeping horses in a herd does not mean turning them loose for several years without human interaction, only to catch them when it’s time to sell them.

That’s not herd living – that’s lack of handling.

A well-managed herd system includes:

• Daily human interaction
• Horses being touched, scratched, and acknowledged
• Natural movement and social life
• A sense of safety – both in their environment and with humans

In that kind of setup, I really don’t see why horses would become harder to handle.

The Benefits We Often Forget

What often gets overlooked are the advantages:

• Stronger, healthier bodies
• Better joint development
• Social education from other horses
• More natural behavior

Horses learn an incredible amount from each other – something we humans can never fully replace.

So What Really Makes the Difference?

In my experience, it’s very clear:

It’s not about herd living or stabling.
It’s about the individual – and the human behind the horse.

A young horse doesn’t become difficult because it lives outside.
It becomes difficult if it lacks proper contact, guidance, and a sense of safety.

I’ve worked with horses from both systems – and seen both easy and challenging individuals in each.

Don’t Forget the Basics

Just because a horse lives in a herd doesn’t mean you can’t:

• Train with a halter
• Handle and lead them daily
• Build a strong, trusting relationship

In fact, the herd can often help. Horses see that others are calm and not afraid, which helps them feel safe in interactions with humans as well.

An Important Reminder

A foal can become frightened in a stall.
A foal can become frightened out in the field.

What matters is not the location – but how we introduce the world to them.

With the right connection, curiosity, and positive experiences, we raise confident, easy-to-handle horses – regardless of how they are kept.

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Når det hele falder på plads

Torsdag var en rigtig god dag. To af mine klienter mærkede virkelig effekten af min coaching. De begyndte at forstå sig selv, blev klarere på, hvad de vil – og vigtigst af alt, de begyndte at længes efter at komme op i sadlen igen.

Når jeg når dertil sammen med mine klienter, bliver jeg utrolig glad. Det er dér, jeg virkelig mærker, hvorfor jeg laver det her arbejde. Når jeg møder et smil i stedet for tårer i øjnene, ved jeg, at noget er faldet på plads.

De fleste kommer til mig, når deres verden er ved at falde sammen.
Det kan være af mange grunde: de forstår ikke deres hest, de er blevet bange for at ride, eller de føler, at de ikke er gode nok.

Livet er mærkeligt nogle gange. Det er næsten, som om vi skal presses helt ned, før vi begynder at rejse os igen. Nogle siger, at vi er her for at lære – men hvor meget skal man egentlig igennem, før man kan få det godt og tro på sig selv igen?

Mange går rundt med en tung skyldfølelse og ved ikke, hvordan de finder tilbage til glæden. Jeg plejer at sige, at den, der har problemet, ikke altid kan hjælpe sig selv – for hvis de kunne, ville problemet jo ikke være der.

Men hvor svært er det egentlig at bede om hjælp?
Meget svært.

Vi har ingen problemer med at hjælpe andre – det gør vi gerne. Men når vi selv står i en svær situation, tænker vi: “Det er ikke noget, jeg klarer det selv.”

Efter at have coachet så mange mennesker som jeg har, og set hvad små skridt, de rigtige værktøjer og nogle gode råd kan gøre… så ved jeg, at man faktisk kan ændre sit liv fuldstændigt.

Derfor er det svært at forstå, hvorfor det kan være så svært at bede om hjælp.

Måske tænker mange:
“Det er nok bare sådan, det er.”
“Det hjælper ikke på mig.”
“Jeg er, som jeg er – det kan ikke ændres.”

Men intet kunne være mere forkert.

Det er dig, der styrer dit liv. Og du kan ændre langt mere, end du tror. Spørg bare mine klienter – dem, der nu ser frem til et helt nyt forhold til deres heste.

Jeg har også selv ændret mit liv. Fra sadelmager til hestehandler til coach. Jeg har altid haft lyst til at gøre noget, der glæder andre. At se gnisten i en klients øjne, når det hele pludselig giver mening – det er uvurderligt.

Og det bliver aldrig kedeligt.

At få lov til at følge en person fra tårer til et smil, der lyser hele ansigtet op… det er derfor, jeg gør det her.

Tak til alle mine klienter, som har tillid til mig.
Jeg elsker virkelig mit arbejde.

When the penny drops

Thursday was a really good day. Two of my clients truly felt the effect of my coaching. They began to understand themselves, felt clearer about what they wanted – and most importantly, they started to long to get back in the saddle.

When I reach that point together with my clients, it makes me incredibly happy. That’s when I really feel why I do this work. When I’m met with a smile instead of tears in someone’s eyes, I know something has fallen into place.

Most people come to me when their world is falling apart.
It can be for many reasons: they don’t understand their horse, they’ve become afraid to ride, or they feel like they’re not good enough.

Life is strange sometimes. It’s almost as if we have to be pushed really far down before we can start rising again. Some say we are here to learn – but how much do we actually need to go through before we can feel good and believe in ourselves again?

Many people carry a heavy sense of guilt and don’t know how to find their way back to joy. I often say that the person who has the problem can’t always help themselves – because if they could, the problem wouldn’t be there in the first place.

But how hard is it to ask for help?
Very hard.

We have no problem helping others – we do it gladly. But when we find ourselves struggling, we tend to think: “It’s nothing, I’ll handle it myself.”

After coaching as many people as I have, and seeing what small steps, the right tools, and a few good pieces of advice can do… I know that it’s actually possible to completely change someone’s life.

That’s why it’s so hard to understand why asking for help feels so difficult.

Maybe many people think:
“It’s probably just the way it is.”
“That won’t work for me.”
“I am who I am – I can’t change.”

But nothing could be further from the truth.

You are the one in control of your life. And you can change far more than you think. Just ask my clients – the ones who are now looking forward to a completely different relationship with their horses.

I have changed my life too. From saddlemaker to horse trader to coach. I have always wanted to do something that brings joy to others. Seeing that spark in a client’s eyes when things finally click – it’s priceless.

And it never gets old.

To watch someone go from tears to a smile that lights up their whole face… that’s why I do this.

Thank you to all my clients who trust me.
I truly love my work.

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Min deprimerende måned

Vinteren er for mig én lang ventetid. Og i Sverige føles den ekstra lang. Man vænner sig selvfølgelig til det, når man bor der, og man gør sit bedste for at holde humøret oppe.

December er okay – der er jul og nytår at se frem til. Januar byder som regel på lidt sne, som lyser det hele op, og man holder sig i gang. Men så kommer marts…

Lige når alle andre begynder at mærke håbet om forår, er det dér min “down-periode” starter.

De år jeg har boet i Ungarn, har jeg faktisk sprunget den periode over. Foråret kommer meget tidligere der, og det gør en stor forskel. Men i år har vinteren været usædvanlig lang og kold, og forleden tog jeg mig selv i at falde tilbage i de mørke tanker. Træthed, manglende energi… følelsen af, at det hele er lidt for meget.

Og som så ofte før bliver mad min trøst – hvilket min krop ikke ligefrem takker mig for. Den er meget “økonomisk” og gemmer på alt, den kan… til dårligere tider 😉

Kan du genkende det?

Man beslutter sig: I dag tager jeg i stalden. Nu skal der ske noget!
Hesten har ikke været i gang længe på grund af vejret, men nu er gårdspladsen i det mindste ikke en skøjtebane længere.

Men lige som du kommer derud… begynder det at regne.
Og hesten? Ja, den har selvfølgelig lige taget et dejligt mudderbad.

Noget af entusiasmen forsvinder allerede dér.

Og når du så løfter en hov – har hesten tabt en sko.

Der ryger motivationen helt ned på nul.

I stedet muger du ud, ordner foderet og går ind igen til det varme køkken.

Om aftenen ligger du og tænker på alt det, du havde planlagt… som ikke blev gjort.
Igen.

“Det er jo alligevel ikke forår foreløbig,” tænker du.

Men pludselig – en dag – er det der.
Og du føler dig ikke helt klar.

Tænk hvis du i stedet havde gjort lidt ad gangen.
Små skridt, her og der.

Så både du og din hest var klar til den første, skønne tur i skoven… når fuglene begynder at synge igen.

Tænk hvis nogen kunne give dig dit gode humør og din energi tilbage, så du kunne få det gjort?

Jeg ved jo alt det her.
Så det er nok tid til, at jeg tager en session med mig selv igen.

Og hvis du kan genkende dig selv i det her – så ræk ud.
Jeg har værktøjerne 💛

My Depressive Month

Winter, to me, is one long wait. And in Sweden, it feels especially long. Of course, you get used to it when you live there, and you do your best to keep your spirits up.

December is okay – you have Christmas and New Year to look forward to. January usually brings some snow, which brightens things up a bit, and you keep going. But then March arrives…

Just when everyone else starts to feel hopeful about spring, that’s when my “down period” begins.

The years I’ve lived in Hungary, I’ve mostly skipped this phase. Spring comes much earlier there, and it makes a big difference. But this year, winter has been unusually long and cold, and the other day I caught myself slipping into those dark thoughts again. Feeling tired, unmotivated… like everything is just a bit too much.

And, as so often, food becomes my comfort – which my body doesn’t really appreciate. It’s very “efficient” and stores everything it can… just in case of harder times 😉

Does this sound familiar?

You decide: Today I’m going to the stable. Today something is going to happen!
Your horse hasn’t been in work for a while because of the weather, but at least the yard isn’t an ice rink anymore.

But the moment you arrive… it starts raining.
And your horse? Of course, it has just enjoyed a full mud bath.

Some of your enthusiasm disappears right there.

And when you pick up a hoof – your horse has lost a shoe.

At that point, your motivation drops to zero.

Instead, you muck out, sort the feed, and head back into the warmth of the kitchen.

Later that night, you lie there thinking about everything you had planned… that didn’t get done.
Again.

“Well, it’s not like spring is coming anytime soon,” you tell yourself.

But suddenly – one day – it’s there.
And you’re not quite ready.

Imagine if you had just done a little at a time.
Small steps, here and there.

So that both you and your horse were ready for that first, wonderful ride in the forest… when the birds start singing again.

What if someone could give you back that energy and good mood you need to make it happen?

I know all of this.
So it’s probably time for me to have a session with myself again.

And if this feels familiar to you – reach out.
I have the tools 💛

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Axell’s Mercedes

It’s been 20 years – actually more than that, since she was planned the year before. A beautiful mare, Makia, whom I had bought from Poland, was bred to my stallion Mackay.

Her birth became dramatic – as foalings often can be. You can watch a mare for hours, and then step inside for five minutes to grab a cup of coffee… and when you come back out, the foal is already born. It almost happened like that.

We had been keeping an eye on Makia the whole time while she was outside. We were just about to bring the horses into their boxes for the night and only needed to fix a few things first. When we came back out, Makia was already in active labor – right in the middle of the herd. We had imagined a calm and peaceful foaling inside the stable, but Makia had other plans.

It wasn’t easy to keep the other horses away. They were curious and wanted to come close to see what was happening. But out she came – Mercedes – and the foaling itself went well. Now we just had to get them safely into a box before something could happen. Jens had to carry Mercedes inside. She was incredibly big, and learning to stand on her legs doesn’t happen in an instant. Makia was nervous with all the commotion, but in the end, we got them settled.

Mercedes eventually got up and nursed well. Still, I felt that something wasn’t quite right. I called our faithful veterinarian, Bengt Anders Cato, and he came immediately. Together with another vet, he determined that she had developed stomach ulcers, likely caused by stress, and she needed treatment right away.

She had to receive medication every three hours. Hanna Einebrant, who was an intern with us at the time, volunteered to help, and Johan Axell, who was collaborating with us, also stepped in. We took turns – and it worked. Mercedes recovered. And because she was handled and cared for so much from the very beginning, she became a very special horse.

At three years old, she was loaned to an equestrian high school where the students learned to handle and start a young horse under saddle. It was a win-win situation. Mercedes was started under saddle, and the students loved her for her gentle nature and willingness to learn.

She became the mother of several foals – always big, beautiful foals – and she was a good, caring mother.

At the same time, she was always sensitive in her stomach and not the easiest to keep in good condition. A few years ago, she lost several teeth, which made it even harder for her to eat hay properly.

This winter she once again developed digestive problems and lost weight. Still, I felt I had things under control. Her manure improved, becoming firm and normal again, and she seemed brighter. It felt like we were moving in the right direction.

Then, about a week ago, she suddenly started leaving the pasture at night. We added more electric fencing and reinforced everything, but she kept finding places to get out. She didn’t go far – just a little way from the fence, calling to the others. On the fourth night, we had so much electricity running through the fence that she stayed inside.

I went up early to give her breakfast. Nothing seemed unusual. Then Jens came in and said the two geldings were alone again – he couldn’t see Mercedes. When I went out, she was lying down in the shelter.

I thought she might simply be tired after the restless nights and let her rest for a while. But when I came back later, she neighed loudly. That’s when I understood that something was wrong.

Her eyes were bright and alert. I gave her food and water, and we tried to help her up. But she didn’t try to help at all. We decided to give her the night and see if rest would make a difference. I picked fresh grass for her, which she appreciated and ate with good appetite.

The next morning, I could see that it had worsened. She still wanted to eat and drink, but I called the veterinarian and asked him to come as soon as possible. He said he couldn’t come until the afternoon.

By noon, she was dead.

Watching her death throes without being able to do anything was unbearable.

Afterwards, there is only stillness. Tears. And the endless question of whether something could have been done differently.

And then that feeling that brings guilt – relief.

Relief that I didn’t have to make the decision.
Relief that she had always been fragile and required special feeding.
Relief from the constant worry about her weight. I have always been careful that my horses have plenty of feed, yet she often looked thin. When there was abundant grass, she looked normal – but otherwise I carried the feeling that people might think I wasn’t taking proper care of her.

I teach others that guilt can be crumpled up and thrown away.
Yes… it affects me too.

Mercedes was my last broodmare. Now only Maersk remains, 19 years old – my last breeding after Mackay.

It feels deep inside that 40 years of breeding are over. That nearly all of them are gone. To have devoted an entire life to breeding beautiful horses – and now they are no longer here.

It is empty when I go out to feed. No one greeting me. The geldings are not nearly as talkative as she was. She always spotted me from a distance and neighed.

Mercedes…
your blue eyes are now closed forever. 💙