Axell’s Mercedes
It’s been 20 years – actually more than that, since she was planned the year before. A beautiful mare, Makia, whom I had bought from Poland, was bred to my stallion Mackay.
Her birth became dramatic – as foalings often can be. You can watch a mare for hours, and then step inside for five minutes to grab a cup of coffee… and when you come back out, the foal is already born. It almost happened like that.
We had been keeping an eye on Makia the whole time while she was outside. We were just about to bring the horses into their boxes for the night and only needed to fix a few things first. When we came back out, Makia was already in active labor – right in the middle of the herd. We had imagined a calm and peaceful foaling inside the stable, but Makia had other plans.
It wasn’t easy to keep the other horses away. They were curious and wanted to come close to see what was happening. But out she came – Mercedes – and the foaling itself went well. Now we just had to get them safely into a box before something could happen. Jens had to carry Mercedes inside. She was incredibly big, and learning to stand on her legs doesn’t happen in an instant. Makia was nervous with all the commotion, but in the end, we got them settled.
Mercedes eventually got up and nursed well. Still, I felt that something wasn’t quite right. I called our faithful veterinarian, Bengt Anders Cato, and he came immediately. Together with another vet, he determined that she had developed stomach ulcers, likely caused by stress, and she needed treatment right away.
She had to receive medication every three hours. Hanna Einebrant, who was an intern with us at the time, volunteered to help, and Johan Axell, who was collaborating with us, also stepped in. We took turns – and it worked. Mercedes recovered. And because she was handled and cared for so much from the very beginning, she became a very special horse.
At three years old, she was loaned to an equestrian high school where the students learned to handle and start a young horse under saddle. It was a win-win situation. Mercedes was started under saddle, and the students loved her for her gentle nature and willingness to learn.
She became the mother of several foals – always big, beautiful foals – and she was a good, caring mother.
At the same time, she was always sensitive in her stomach and not the easiest to keep in good condition. A few years ago, she lost several teeth, which made it even harder for her to eat hay properly.
This winter she once again developed digestive problems and lost weight. Still, I felt I had things under control. Her manure improved, becoming firm and normal again, and she seemed brighter. It felt like we were moving in the right direction.
Then, about a week ago, she suddenly started leaving the pasture at night. We added more electric fencing and reinforced everything, but she kept finding places to get out. She didn’t go far – just a little way from the fence, calling to the others. On the fourth night, we had so much electricity running through the fence that she stayed inside.
I went up early to give her breakfast. Nothing seemed unusual. Then Jens came in and said the two geldings were alone again – he couldn’t see Mercedes. When I went out, she was lying down in the shelter.
I thought she might simply be tired after the restless nights and let her rest for a while. But when I came back later, she neighed loudly. That’s when I understood that something was wrong.
Her eyes were bright and alert. I gave her food and water, and we tried to help her up. But she didn’t try to help at all. We decided to give her the night and see if rest would make a difference. I picked fresh grass for her, which she appreciated and ate with good appetite.
The next morning, I could see that it had worsened. She still wanted to eat and drink, but I called the veterinarian and asked him to come as soon as possible. He said he couldn’t come until the afternoon.
By noon, she was dead.
Watching her death throes without being able to do anything was unbearable.
Afterwards, there is only stillness. Tears. And the endless question of whether something could have been done differently.
And then that feeling that brings guilt – relief.
Relief that I didn’t have to make the decision.
Relief that she had always been fragile and required special feeding.
Relief from the constant worry about her weight. I have always been careful that my horses have plenty of feed, yet she often looked thin. When there was abundant grass, she looked normal – but otherwise I carried the feeling that people might think I wasn’t taking proper care of her.
I teach others that guilt can be crumpled up and thrown away.
Yes… it affects me too.
Mercedes was my last broodmare. Now only Maersk remains, 19 years old – my last breeding after Mackay.
It feels deep inside that 40 years of breeding are over. That nearly all of them are gone. To have devoted an entire life to breeding beautiful horses – and now they are no longer here.
It is empty when I go out to feed. No one greeting me. The geldings are not nearly as talkative as she was. She always spotted me from a distance and neighed.
Mercedes…
your blue eyes are now closed forever. 💙










